Our Anniversary- the sequel to the sequel

I'm looking forward to getting back to blogging regularly, and (knock on every wooden surface available) I will be able to soon because Dax slept through the night for the first time last night!!!!!! Shock and awe, people. Shock and awe. I feel like a new woman with a mushy belly and super cute sidekick. He's discovering the world around him at an alarmingly fast rate; and while I miss my sweet bundle of newborn squishyness, realizing there is life outside of "I have a newborn" exhaustion is pretty awesome too.

Last week Josh and I celebrated THREE years of marriage!!! <-- three exclamation marks for posterity. On the actual day (the 18th- a boring Wednesday), we celebrated by sharing sweet messages throughout the day. Well, okay so they weren't sweet so much as we didn't bicker. Same thing. Josh brought home dinner from Copper River and we ate some delicious food and hung out with our main man Daxon. It was pretty awesome.

We were baaaaabies.

Then on Saturday, we packed up -what felt like our entire house- and dropped kiddo off with Josh's parents so we could spend the day together. I only called a million few times to check on him and my wonderful mother-in-law entertained my paranoid new mom questions and sent me pictures of my babe enjoying the day being shown off to anyone who would hold still.

our sweet boy is so very loved!

Josh and I then trucked it up to Asheville for the day. Nursing/pumping mamas- going out for the day is a whole new ball game when you have to plan your schedule of events around pumping breaks. Kudos to all ladies who do this. Pumping in the car was a new experience as well. I managed though and we had a great time!

We parked downtown and walked a bit, taking in the sights of a neat craft fair going on in a little park. I say it was a craft fair; for all I know those people are there every week, but it was cool nonetheless. We then ate lunch at our favorite- Tupelo Honey Cafe. Hang on while I wipe away my drool just thinking about it. I've never had anything I didn't love and their raspberry tea is the bomb.

These ladies were happy, happy, happy. Never seen one of these before!

After we walked around downtown for a bit we found our way to Mast General Store. I know some of you may be laughing at us wondering why we didn't just go to downtown Greenville. We could have done the same things there. I know, I know. We like what we like, and we liked that we could enjoy those things in a different place. It gave the experience a whole new vibe and felt like we were really far away, but enjoying things we loved that were familiar, which was cool. At Mast General Store I scored some Earl Grey lip balm -it is sooo good- and we indulged in some glass bottle soda.

We tried to keep our anniversary celebration as budget friendly as possible with me on maternity leave and this was so much fun, but pretty cheap as well.

After we meandered around downtown we made our way about 10 minutes out to the WNC Nature Center. If you like zoo type activities or have kids that do, check this place out! It was so much fun! We took a ton of pictures here and can't wait to take Dax when he's old enough to really enjoy it. Josh's favorite parts were the otters and the bear and deer. Mine were the snakes, pumas, and bears. Really cool. It's got enclosures you walk around and visit like a zoo, but the enclosures really embrace the natural landscape and you feel more like you're on a nature trail than at a zoo! Our only regret- they don't have a gift shop. That's the cheesy tourists in us though. We ended our trip by stopping at a roadside produce stand and buying some delicious boiled peanuts!

   

   

 

   

 Couples who enjoy being weird together, stay together. 

   

 

All in all we really enjoyed our day away. I was so excited to get back to my munchkin and smother him with obnoxious mommy kisses, but it was really nice to spend some quality alone time with my love to reconnect after surviving the first two months as parents.

Our lesson for this year I will be writing in our wedding photobook is this- All good things happen in God's timing. This lesson was and is being taught to us on lots of levels; Dax being a big one.

We can't wait to see what next year's anniversary adventure holds for us. I love you Josh and am so thankful you chose me to be your baby mama. :)

Home

I normally post a lot more during the summer, but I have to be honest- I've been savoring every drop of this summer break (and keeping quite busy!). I'm normally a project-a-holic and have tackled a few things, but the theme of my summer thus far has been soaking up quality time with people I care about. And I would not change a thing about that! 

I find myself thinking I must be dreaming when I stop to think about all the blessings around me. I have a beautiful home that keeps me safe and welcomes friendly laughter over meals, tea, coffee, and even video games; I have a job that is hard- but the good kind of hard that makes you smile at the end of the day- and I am so very passionate about; I have in me the capability to nurse puppies back to health and return them to be adopted to forever homes; I have loving, funny, supportive family all around me cheering on the life Josh and I have established and are maintaining; I have a comfortable, dependable vehicle with features that make me feel sheepishly spoiled as an American; we have a variety of friends that keep our glasses filled and our eyes bright with laughter; and I have him. The man who knows how to push every button at once, yet when fear begins to crowd my thoughts wraps me up in two very strong, tender arms. He is home to me and I adore him. I can barely believe I get to keep him my whole life as my husband. I would rather live in a cardboard box fighting every day with him than be catered to in a mansion with anyone else.

This summer, I am enjoying home.

-A

1, 051, 200

 1, 051, 200 minutes.

That's two years. We promised forever two years ago yesterday.

(Funny story- I didn't even realize that I started last year's anniversary post the same way... I was even going to add the video for the song again. Le predictable.)

How do you measure a year?

Our second year of marriage has been measured in:

- Leaving our mark during our anniversary trip to Pigeon Forge {June 2012}

-Making cutesy apple pie for our now traditional Atkins July 4th Fireworksapalooza. {July 2012}

-Sweet love note in my lunch box on my first day of school. {August 2012}

-Celebrating Ashley & Tim's marriage. {September 2012}

-Adopting our sweet princess Autumn. {September 2012}

-Welcoming the most precious nephew ever to this world! {October 2012}

-Voting in my first presidential election. {November 2012}

-Waiting for Santa, a family ornament, and starting our own tradition. {December 2012}

-Celebrating the new year with an early birthday present for Josh. {January 2013}

-Having the Atkins family over for supper & playing Guitar Hero for hours. {January 2013}

-Getting in the Word together and Josh cooking breakfast each morning. {January 2013}

-Greeting at our church on Sundays, Dunkin Donuts in hand. {February 2013}

-Becoming foster parents for sweet puppies in need of furever homes. {February 2013}

-Valentine's day love notes. <3 {February 2013}

-Discovering our emoji keyboards. {March 2013}

-Tackling yard work & rediscovering Josh's carving on the tree in our front yard. {April 2013}

-Celebrating the success of our very first deck garden. {May 2013}

-Getting nursed back to health by myself and his babies after mouth surgery. {May 2013}

-Savoring rare Cracker Barrel breakfast dates together before running errands. {June 2013}

-Ending this year of marriage with a perfect anniversary gift. {June 2013}

Last year we meant to go to a fancy restaurant for supper. Instead we ended up at Mellow Mushroom and loved it! This year, our celebration was low key. We met for lunch, exchanged cards, and cooked supper together. I'm not normally a card person when it comes to holidays, but I do love exchanging cards with him because they will one day be such a neat love story to leave behind for our grandchildren and great-grandchildren. We ended the evening looking back through our wedding photo book and, just like last year, we wrote down a lesson this year has taught us.

This year's lesson? "Be content in your circumstances; not complacent, but content." We must be good stewards and trust God in regards to our finances, careers, infertility struggle, and relationship.

As we continue on this journey together we cannot wait to see what the future holds!

Two years. And hopefully many, many more.

-A

Fair

Oh, how I wish this post were about a real fair. Rides, an array of life-shortening fried foods to choose from, bright lights, cheap thrills.

Instead, tonight I'm being vulnerable.

It's been awhile since I've posted. I have to say honestly lately my heart hasn't been into it. I whined some earlier this year when I was SO busy. 3 wedding showers, a baby shower, a wedding. Lots. Now that all of that is done it's time to decompress.

It's my favorite season.

My favorite month.

Waiting for my sister to go into labor with my favorite nephew.

My favorite fall flavored coffee by my side tonight.

And yet I'm incredibly sad. Is it okay to blog when you're sad? I would hope so. I love reading the blogs on my favorites list and soaking in all the greatness and motivation, but sometimes I get overwhelmed feeling like I need to rearrange my life and get it together so I can be happy.

Lately, I've been alone with my thoughts more. That's especially dangerous when I'm moody.

You see- I always had big dreams for myself. Huge dreams. And God placed incredible people in my life that helped me feel like I could achieve those dreams. As I grew and matured those dreams began to change and take more shape.

When I was a youngun in high school, I had big plans to become a Christian motivational speaker. I had it all planned out- I would have awesome hair with blue and red and purple and green streaks in it and I would have a rad wardrobe and be madly and hopelessly in love with and betrothed to a gorgeous punk rocker with a raging love for Jesus. We would tour the world and I would share my story with it; a story to help others who have struggled with feeling inadequate and ugly, a story to heal hearts and point to a Man who loves us more than we could ever fathom.

In college, those dreams changed slightly. Instead of being a part of some flashy music tour, my studly husband (oh yes- Mr. Punk Rocker was still there. Except at this point I decided he would have deliciously scruffy facial hair and a British accent) and I would instead be missionaries living on prayers and the things we carried around with us; sharing Jesus in the most destitute and desperate of places.

Well, Piedmont isn't Beverly Hills or anything; but it's not destitute. There is some red in my hair; the summer sun turns the ends a lovely auburn shade (that I can get away with now without dying because of this new 'ombre' trend. Take that, you dark roots!). My husband is from Taylors, SC and isn't a famous punk rocker. In fact he's just a humble servant for the Lord, doing his best however he can to help us survive. He does have some pretty sweet piercings and ink, and he can grow a sumptuous beard. There is a little punk rocker with a crush on me at school- I find it precious because when I was in school I never got a second glance. Now I'm old and married and middle school boys are always vying for my attention. :) I guess the part where I'm the teacher is the main reason, but still- puts a little more bounce in my step to know I'm admired.

My dream did not come true in any way but this- I get to share my story. Looking into the eyes of children desperate for an ounce of identity and recognition, I see a lot. I've been desensitized to a lot of heartbreak. I deal dry-eyed with things that my younger self would (and did) weep over. But I do get to share that someone cares. Someone sees the treasure inside the eyes that have seen beyond their years and will be there to cheer for their A in Math or their art project that won an award. And some days I go home ashamed that there's not more I can do for these children. I wish my home were big enough. I wish our bank account was big enough. I wish my arms were big enough.

The point of my sadness tonight- I feel the weight of life not being fair. As a child we dream of the days we are an adult- free to choose our own paths and to knock on the doors of our dreams and finally receive an answer. As an adult my heart cries out desperately for a shred of the magic I felt as a child, wide eyed and thirsty for this world full of wonder.

My life did not turn out like I expected, and while most of the time I feel blessed beyond measure that God would allow me to live this one wild and precious life, I can't help but tonight to be disappointed. To be sad.

It makes me long for things that used to bring magic to my life- making leaf piles, climbing trees, my nose running because it's cold and I don't care one bit because the sun is setting and I want 5 more minutes outside, sandcastles, secret emails, late night walks, catching snow flakes on my tongue, making up wild fairy tales to put Ashley back to sleep, knowing without a shadow of a doubt that red light I saw in the sky was Rudolph and I needed to get in bed and to sleep fast so Santa would visit.

I guess I'm mourning for the person I thought I would be; and grieving for the loss of the liberating innocence I had as a wee one.

Maybe one day I will find this magic again. Maybe my heart will soften. Maybe God will hear my prayers and allow me to make my husband a father. Maybe He will allow me to be a mother, because  to give my children even a sliver of the magic my mother brought to my own life would make me deliriously happy.

Just maybe.

I'm sorry I'm sad tonight; and if you read this entire thing- thank you. And please know if you ever want to be sad around me, my hugs are warm and my door is always open.

525,600 Minutes

How do you measure, measure a yeeeaaaarr? GREAT song.

On Monday, Josh and I celebrated our very first anniversary!! Cue the fireworks, the balloons, the confetti, and the dancing dolphins!!

It's so hard to believe it's been a year since we said forever to each other! It feels like yesterday and it was the best day ever! It went by so quickly and wasn't without its hiccups, but I had SO much fun and felt so blessed to become the wife to my very best friend.

This time last year we were enjoying our honeymoon in the mountains of North Carolina and Tennessee.

In the Mtns of NC

On the Blue Ridge Parkway

Before I give you all the details about how we are going to celebrate surviving our first year of marriage, I want to share what this year of doing life together has taught us:

1. Do not go to bed angry. No matter what. There were nights we were up until 12 or 1 am (on school nights, no less!!) working things out. I went to bed angry one time and will never ever do it again because it solves nothing, makes you even more tired, and you just get angrier and angrier.

2. Stick to a budget and save. Being a relatively new teacher making beans for pay and being married to a man that may clock 103 hours in a pay period but only get paid for 40 of them (because technicians only get paid for the work they do) we have learned that a lot of times our attitudes toward each other and stress levels revolve around money. What has made the biggest difference is being devoted to tithing to our church. One of its core values is that you cannot out-give God and He has proven this time after time. When we are faithful to Him, He blesses us! Maybe not with more money, but definitely with better attitudes and peaceful spirits. So instead of being against each other about money, we've learned to take it on as a team and hold each other accountable to the budget that we set together (even if it involves me pouting over a throw pillow; true story).

3. You can never say "I love you" enough. I know it's cheesy but I take every opportunity to tell Josh what he means to me. It helps us stay grounded and remember what brought us here in the first place- love!

4. Even though you share the same bed, you don't necessarily get enough quality time together. It's very important for us to set aside time to do things together we enjoy. Sometimes it might only be the ride to the waste management facility to take out the trash; other times we may actually have time and money to enjoy a meal out and a movie. Regardless of what it is, we make the time to continue getting to know each other. It helps reinforce our bond.

5. You cannot grow closer to each other if you are not growing closer to God. We have had some rough times this year and the first 6 months of our marriage were not that great. We were very selfish and self centered, and not growing in the Lord like we should have been. We had to stop and evaluate and realize that there was tension and friction between the two of us because there was tension and distance between each of us and God. The Lord cannot teach you and bless you if you are turned away avoiding Him. I know I avoid Him because I do not want to face my own sin and desires, but when I give those desires to Him and repent and try my best to do better- He blesses us. We know what direction to go in and He makes His presence known. And it's wonderful!! It's very liberating to know you can trust Him to guide your steps instead of being a stressed out control freak- trust me on this!

So one year is gone, and I am so excited to continue our journey together. Pregnancy? Baby? Another dog? More home projects? A trip to England as a couple? All are on the agenda, but the when and how are unknown. I have a year of formal evaluation at work this coming school year and I need to be on point. We also have debt to pay down (more on that later), sick leave to save up, and projects that must be done around the house before I will feel comfortable welcoming a little one (or ones... I am a twin :P) into our family.

Until God makes it happen, we are focusing on living life to the fullest and best right now, enjoying each day as it comes and being thankful for what we have!

Stay tuned for the scoop on our anniversary celebration!