Sunday, October 6, 2013

chin up, buttercup

Stress. Worry. Anxiety. Fear.

Take your pick. Lately I have let myself become consumed with these things and they have sought to steal my joy. I have allowed them to be too successful.

Let's face it; with the state of things in our government and the rising tensions among us all as we try to understand what the future for our country holds and decide how to feel or which side of the fence to be on, aren't we all a little overcome with negativity? Boo.

If you don't keep up with me on Facebook, you may not be aware of the main reason for my silence on my blog:

Baby Atkins is on its way! Due April 2014!
I am finally in the 'safety net' that is the second trimester, and I felt the baby move for the first time this weekend. It's still too early to feel a real kick, but when it snuggles in to one side of its squishy waterbed I feel a little twitch. It happened for the first time yesterday after Josh got home from work and kissed me; really kissed me and let me know he missed me. I am an incredibly blessed lady.

The strongest desire of my heart is finally growing deep in my belly, making its presence known with sweet little twitches of movement and an ever expanding midsection. I love this little nugget with every ounce of my being, and the unspeakable gratitude I have for this gift has been stifled by overwhelming anxiety about commitments at work, being able to afford my life, being a good mother to my little roo, being a good wife, and being 'good enough' in general.

Today's sermon at church rocked my perspective and through a beautiful teaching about Communion I realized how much joy I allow to seep out of me as task piles upon task.

I have so much to be joyful about; so much to be crazy dang excited about!!!!

It's my favorite time of year, and even though little nugget tried to ruin the party with an aversion to anything pumpkin flavored (I still force a DnD White Chocolate Pumpkin Latte occasionally), I am hereby making the decision to choose the joy. The anxiety and fear and stress and worry may be waiting in the wings, but I choose joy and satisfaction and eager anticipation.

My twin sister Ashley is not very mushy gushy; at least she doesn't let on to it. She is very no nonsense and there have been many times during my oversensitive whining about misfortune she has just told me "Chin up, buttercup."

This song pulls my chin up and gets me excited for a cozy Autumn season with a pumpkin growing of my very own and an amazing husband who is such an incredible example of grace and unconditional love. Here's to pretty leaves, apple cider, nights by the fire, and lots of cuddling!

Chin up, everyone. Though the sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning.

-A (and "baby a")